the secret garden

i went to visit my second mom, and her backyard was now an entrance for a memorial garden of some sort. there was an arch made of stone, which was the beginning of a long pathway of flowers and plants. i met a man there who was doing calligraphy, it looked like it was chinese because of the brush.

To see an arch in your dream, represents your support system.

To dream that you are passing under an arch, signifies new opportunities. You are headed toward a different direction in life.

before that, i was visiting my aunt in a mobile home park or something like that, and next thing you know i was in a huge wave. i didn't feel wet like i was swimming, so i could have been in a clear vessel which allowed me to move with the water and survive.

Dreams of impending disaster generally indicate that the dreamer is feeling out of control. In the case of the tidal wave, this out-of-control feeling is often combined with the need to make a fresh start.

To dream that you are caught in a tidal wave, signifies the strength of your emotions, perhaps accompanied by tears that you are holding back in your waking life.

dream visits

i dreamed about you, thanks for visiting me. i was trying to meet up with you somewhere, but as i type this, the memory fades. did i get to see you? it doesn't matter, because at least i remember you. i was trying to call you too. where were we? i wish i could have told you, but i'm sure you already know. but the question is, did you even care? that's one answer i wish i could have.

then, i saw my cousin. i wanted to go on the computer, but she warned me how it's like big brother. i hugged her to thank her for watching out for me.

but then i wake up and use it.

i am not my hair

but my hair has become me!

i told myself that i won't ever dye my hair again. and this past year, i've noticed white hairs! first it was one, then another, then another....i probably have 5-10 white hairs now.

my mom says it's bad luck to pull them out, or it's good luck to keep them.

however, i was considering using henna in my hair.

my hair dying history is as follows:

5th grade: dipped my bangs in hydrogen peroxide
6th grade: borrowed "sun-in" from my friend
7th grade: dipped my TAIL in hydrogen peroxide
10th grade: deep burgandy (i dyed it late one night at a dude's house with my cousin)
11th grade: deep red streaks
12th grade: alternate between deep burgandy, black, and red streaks
college:
fresh(wo)man: pregnant and dye free!
sophomore: black, then pink/red streaks, then black, then blondish streaks

junior: red streaks, then black
senior: my hair was so messed up by this point, i dyed it back to black once and for all. but of course, because of all the processing, my hair has faded in the sun, to a more dark brown with golden and brittle tips. i'm tired of it and itching for change!

my more frequent dying eras were mainly because my friend was in cosmetology school and i served as a rather willing guinea pig. and i enjoyed the constant change. but now, i must have put at least 20 pounds of chemicals on my scalp. damn.

my mom has been a compulsive hair dyer my whole life and beyond. she sticks out when she goes back home to the philippines. i tell her to just dye her hair back to natural color, but it's starting to look like plenty of it is now white.

i'm catching up.

2003:
2004:

2005:
2006:

panda dreams

there was a big party coming up, so i had to attend a meeting. but i had a large panda bear, so i had to find someone to babysit it. i went to pick up the panda, and i carried it around to find a babysitter. someone told me, "it'll either bite you, or...[forgot the rest of the line]." i thought it is rather dangerous to carry around a panda bear, but i never imagined my bear biting me.

from dreammoods.com:
To see a panda in your dream, suggests that you are having difficulties coming to a compromise in a waking situation. You need to find a middle ground so that all parties involved will be satisfied. Alternatively, it is symbolic of your own childlike qualities or something that is cuddly.


from myjellybean.com:
A dream of a panda bear means that, if you'll just stop feeding your worries, they'll go away.

back at it again. blogging about blogging

i'm not blogging because it's my new year's resolution or anything. i've blogged before. it's been pretty random and chaotic, a microcosm of my life. only this time, i'm going to try to keep it all in one place. i find random writings everywhere: other websites, saved on my laptop, on bits of scrap paper, or on the backs of essays.

i've always had the internal debate of writing vs. typing. should i be using an electronic device to express myself, when i know the pen and pad is best? it already seems like it's too late, as i've already gone this far. i don't want to lose the skill of handwriting, so instead, i think i'll document my life and such through typing, and i'll make an effort to use handwriting for personal correspondence. the good ole paper will take over the email.

i miss letter-writing. and letter folding. and waiting for a response. and seeing what stationary was used. and smelly pens. and a.c.r.o.n.y.m.s. and secret codes. and calloused hands. and pen(wo)menship.

help me in that area.

i'll bet that most of my blogs will be about dreams. that's what most writings have been about lately. it just intrigues me so.

last night, i can't remember any of my dream, but it all feels so familiar. i can see it in my mind's memory, everything that happened in my dream. but for some reason, i can't translate what happened into words. words that i can't speak, nor type, nor write. i can't even put the thoughts into tangible thoughts. i just feel what happened in my dream and know it was so. that always seems to happen.

it's like this: i'm trying to dig for those artiffacts, but i don't even know what i'm diggin' for. i just know something's there, and someone'll find it one day.